Call me bitter or pessimistic, but this is the reality of the world we live in. True love doesn’t exist. There are days that I’ve been led to believe that it never did. I do believe in love as in a platonic or familial sense… You can love your family, and you can love your friends, but romantic love is nothing but a fairy tale. It is all just infatuation and lust. This isn’t coming from a lack of experience on the subject matter. I’ve had boyfriends and guys that I was sooooo into, and then woke up one day and realized that I wasn’t anymore. I was bored and annoyed. I can say that I was attached to them, and the fact that they were no longer going to be an active part of my life saddened me, but love in the romantic sense is a joke. I don’t even really wanna get started on the slippery slope called marriage. I do, however, want children. I think that the only life-changing love is that of parents to their children and children to parents. This is my opinion; feel free to disagree with it, but that’s what I believe.

Update: 2020

As I re-read that entry, I just cringed. I definitely have to share it with my therapist. I am incredibly blessed to learn that I was wrong. Romance is beautiful. Loving an intimate partner is life-changing. I’ve been challenged in ways that I couldn’t have ever imagined. Marriage is next for us, and I couldn’t imagine loving anyone else for the rest of my life. My partner teaches me patience and compassion every single day.

If I am honest about where I was when I wrote this, I wouldn’t say I was well-adjusted. I hated myself, I hated men, I was depressed, and engaging in VERY risky behaviors. The truth is, I didn’t know what love was. I was convinced the only way I would experience love would be from a child or a puppy. Which, honestly, wouldn’t have mattered because I did not love myself. Nothing would have been enough. I am happy that I have learned to grow and evolve. I am happy that I can read this and know that the girl no longer exists in that state of sorrow and brokenness. I am so happy to say that I have felt love, a deep love, and I am better off for it.

I won’t lie. Our relationship is WORK. Between cultural differences and age differences, there is a lot to fight through, but we are doing okay. So, I guess my point is that I was WRONG! Love exists in a ton of different ways. I am excited to experience love in every way it comes.

Update: 2026

It’s ghetto over here, LMFAO! Fully divorced for A LOT OF REASONS – the core of which is emotional, financial, and physical abuse.

These pictures make me sad and happy at the same time. Happy cause I curated beautiful experiences for us. Trips, date nights, adventures, photo shoots and family movie nights with smores and popcorn.

It makes me sad, cause the pictures don’t tell the whole story. I remember how stressed and overwhelmed I felt all the time. Like I was trying to drag him to the mountain top with me. I remember telling him to behave himself and reminding him to eat on this trip. EXHAUSTING!

Do I still believe Romance/ romantic love is real? Yes. I do. I think my beliefs have evolved a lot over the years, having the experience I had in marriage and subsequent partners. I do think Romance is real. I’m also learning to romance myself. I spent so much time trying to force grown men to show up and to love me well, when I could have been doing that for my f*cking self.

So, now, I take myself on trips, adventures, and date nights, I tell myself I’m beautiful, and I laugh at my own jokes. I work on my own resume and look for more opportunities for myself to learn. I take myself dancing, and I’ve filled my house with vining and flowering plants. I cuddle up in blankets with popcorn and watch movies, and I’m happy with myself. Solitude.

I also romance my friends. I take them out, and I ask them to tag along on my adventures to hike or to the beach. We go to dinner and play board games, and I love that.

Do I want to get married again? I’m not closed off to the idea. SOMEONE DIFFERENT OBVIOUSLY! I’m not in a hurry. But for now, I like to say, I’m married to myself. I’m committed to my growth, happiness, joy, and elevation.

I do want to be a mother still. I will walk in that direction when the time is right, whether I have a partner or not.

But ultimately, yes, Romantic love can look like a lot of things, and I do think it is real.