Call me bitter or pessimistic, but this is the reality of the world we live in. True love doesn’t exist. There are days that I’ve been lead to believe that it never did. I do believe in love as in a platonic or the familial sense… you can love your family and you can love your friends, but romantic love is nothing but a fairy tale. It is all just infatuation and lust. This isn’t coming from a lack of experience on the subject matter. I’ve had boyfriends and guys that I was sooooo into, and then woke up one day and realized that I wasn’t anymore. I was bored and annoyed. I can say that I was attached to them and the fact that they were no longer going to be an active part of my life saddened me, but love in the romantic sense is a joke. I don’t even really wanna get started on the slippery slope called marriage. I do however want children. I think that the only life changing love is that of parents to their children and children to parents. This is my opinion feel free to disagree with it, but thats what I believe.

Update: 2020

As I re-read that entry, I just cringed. I definitely have to share it with my therapist. I am incredibly blessed to learn that I was wrong. Romance is beautiful. Loving an intimate partner is life changing. I’ve been challenged in ways that I couldn’t have ever imagined. Marriage is next for us and I couldn’t imagine loving anyone else for the rest of my life. My partner teaches me patience and compassion every single day.

If I am honest about where I was when I wrote this, I wouldn’t say I was well adjusted. I hated myself , I hated men, I was depressed and engaging in VERY risky behaviors. The truth is I didn’t know what love was. I was convinced the only way I would experience love would be from a child or a puppy. Which honestly wouldn’t have mattered because I did not love myself. Nothing would have been enough. I am happy that I have learned to grow and evolve. I am happy that I can read this and know that girl no longer exists in that state of sorrow and brokenness. I am so happy to say that I have felt love a deep love, and I am better off for it.

I won’t lie. Our relationship is WORK. Between cultural differences and age differences, there is a lot to fight through, but we are doing okay. So, I guess my point is that I was WRONG! Love exists in a ton of different ways. I am excited to experience love in every way it comes.