Trust shows up in every part of life—whether we realize it or not. Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much trust plays a role in my career, my relationships, and even in the business ideas I’m toying with. We trust people to help us develop our ideas, not steal them. We trust new friends to genuinely get to know us, not mock or hurt us. At work, we trust that our managers want us to succeed and that all the bumps along the way are part of the process of growth and learning.

But here’s the big question I’ve been asking myself: Is trust something we give freely, or do people have to earn it? I did some digging and came across a definition by James Grunig, a professor at the University of Maryland, that really hit home. He says trust is the “willingness to open oneself to risk by engaging in a relationship with another party.” He breaks it down into three parts: integrity, dependability, and confidence.

That got me thinking—if trust is something you just give, then figuring out if someone’s trustworthy only comes with experience. It’s about taking that leap of faith and saying, “Okay, I believe what this person told me.” From there, the real test begins.

What Builds or Breaks Trust?

Trust isn’t a one-and-done thing. It’s kept alive by consistency. If you know I will consistently tell the truth, or that I will consistently take accountability and repair, am I still trustworthy? When someone has integrity—meaning they’re honest and have good intentions—but can’t always be dependable, should we still consider them trustworthy? I think yes. Life happens, and sometimes, even the most reliable, consistent people face challenges that impact their ability to follow through. But if their integrity never wavers, they might still deserve our trust.

On the flip side, we’ve all seen trust break down—maybe because of broken promises, poor communication, or unmet expectations. But here’s something interesting: sometimes it’s not just the other person. Our own past experiences, unconscious biases or emotional triggers can make it hard for us to trust. We might feel let down when the reality is, we’re looking at the situation through the lens of past pain.

Are There Systems That Erode Trust?

Sadly, yes. There are social and work systems that make it harder to trust others. For example, in a competitive work environment, people might prioritize personal gain over building trust. And if you’ve had bad experiences with leaders or coworkers in the past, it’s easy to adopt a “do it myself” mindset as a form of protection. It’s helpful in the short term, but it can block the chance for real collaboration.

How Can We Build and Maintain Trust?

So, how do we keep trust alive, especially when things don’t always go as planned? I think it comes down to open communication and being clear about what we can realistically expect from each other. Sometimes, we need to give people grace when they’re not able to be consistent, especially if they’ve always been honest about their struggles. If we create environments where people can be real about their limitations, we build trust that’s more resilient.

Lastly, we need to be aware of our own biases and emotional baggage. I know I’ve carried a lot from past jobs, friendships, and relationships that I’ve had to unpack. Sometimes, we react to a situation based on old wounds rather than what’s really happening in the present. If we’re conscious of that, we can give trust a fighting chance, even when things aren’t perfect.

Becoming Trusting

Trust is tricky, but I’m learning that it’s not just about someone showing up every single time. At its core, trust is about integrity—being honest, even when things aren’t going smoothly. And while being reliable is important, sometimes the most trustworthy people are the ones who tell you when they’re struggling, not the ones who pretend they have it all together. If we start seeing trust as something we give—rather than something others have to earn—we open ourselves up to deeper, more meaningful connections. And along the way, we learn to balance that trust with a bit of grace for life’s inevitable ups and downs.

References:

What is trust – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK321980/