I have been reading posts that people are writing in regards to suicide. They are all sweet platitudes about how they are here for you and you aren’t alone. I call BS. Here is why. Mental health issues that lead to suicide can not be solved by just getting a hug and talking a walk on a sunny day. It’s not just saying ” I’m here” it’s actually being there to act as a voice of reason. More than that, People NEED access to mental health professionals and medical doctors and not just nice words or thoughts and prayers.

I’ve had suicidal thoughts. Like real “ this is how I will do it” suicide. It was rooted in depression and anxiety. And brought on by an extreme existential crisis. I somehow felt more at ease thinking about being dead rather than dealing with day to day crap. I had convinced myself that none of it was worth it. And the truth is the people who love me will go months without calling or checking in. I was really social and then I wasn’t. My boyfriend slept next to me every night and had no idea about how I felt.

Luckily, I had access to mental heath services. Luckily, I had a large network of people who I sought out that actually noticed I was feeling down. Luckily, I had a set of beliefs that pulled me through the darkness.

But positivity doesn’t combat those feelings too well. It’s not just about self affirmation depression and anxiety are OVERWHELMING!

It’s about controlling those thoughts that are saying life is too hard and being dead is easier. The thoughts that you are lazy and worthless because you can’t push past the exhaustion and sadness. Which means mental health professionals.

And unless you’ve ever been that desperate for peace you won’t get it. No “ I’m here for you” is enough. There were days that I slept for 18 out of 24 hours. And then just got more upset because I felt like I was wasting time. I finally went to the doctor. I made an appointment with a therapist and I made progress.

I was writing about perseverance this morning. I have been writing about the choices I’ve been making and the work I’ve been doing to be better. It is hard to train your mind. It’s about consistency and outside voices who remind you who you are.

Suicide isn’t selfish, it is tragic. It’s not a decision people come to easily. The pain that people endure is a lot and for them the only way to silence those voices is to get some rest.

My overall point is be less judgmental and more empathetic to those around you. Actually reach out. Actually engage and let’s have real conversations about mental health issues/ disabilities that people face.