Blogging has been therapeutic for me. I write about topics I am interested in or I write messages to people who need to read them. It has been helpful and harmful. I’m pretty sure that this blog is half the reason that I’m unemployed even with two degrees. But sometimes I just need to vent. I don’t want advice… I don’t want a lecture. I just want the eyes this is meant for to finally get it.

I am seriously damaged. Its my own fault.  I let the wrong kind of people in my life and they have just about destroyed whatever little bits of heart I had left. I have built a serious wall around me. From my family, from my friends… I can’t say that I’ve taken dating or relationships seriously EVER. I tell people I love them and honestly I don’t know what love is. I talk shit but its clear that I am not where I need to be. I can say I am alone cause I choose to be, but I cant say that the desire to find a partner who i can trust and love isn’t there. 

I make bad decisions when it comes to dating. I commit to commitmentphobes and people who are unavailable… emotionally, physically and actually unavailable. I can watch a relationship end and resign myself. Like It doesn’t even phase me. I don’t cry… I feel nothing. I don’t know how long it took me to build up that wall or when I started to or what the cause of my issues are but I have no idea where to start. 

I can easily be by myself and be content… but I don’t want to hide myself away and end up alone and bitter. I’m up here relating to Rihanna. seriously…. my albums in heavy rotation are 19- Adele, 21- Adele, Luv Back -Jazmine Sullivan, Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, and freaking unapologetic. and i’m not talking about the dance hits… i’m talking about the “Someone ruined me” ballads. 

this is a for this week only deal. Once next sunday hits all of these posts will be gone.

Pay attention it gets juicy. Hopefully I figure something out…. or some people walk out of my path of destruction. either way.. win win for me.